Beautifully broken

I know sometimes you can fall apart.

I can hold you together.
I'll pull the pieces in place.
If you let me, I can be the glue that'll keep you whole.

I know sometimes your mind goes spinning.

I can be your center point.
I'll be the constant in your world.
If you let me, I can be the hand to keep you steady.

I know sometimes you cant see the big picture.

I can shine light in your dark.
I'll be your eyes and remind you of where the beauty lies in your storm.
If you let me, I can help you paint a new picture.

I know sometimes you can get scared.

I can be the place where you are safe.
I'll give you my time and take the time to see you as you are.
If you let me, I'll try to teach you to love yourself the way that I do.

Always

When all is well in the world,
when the sun is shining,
and life makes sense,
I will always want you.

When the water's rising around you,
when the clouds are rolling in,
and you feel like the walls are closing in,
Still, I will always want you.

When the storm's set in,
when you can't see out of the void,
and you've seen the bottom of more bottles than you're willing to admit,
even then, I will always want you.

When you are ready to SOS for the boat
when you're tired of treading water
and you're reaching out for help
through everything, I will always want you.

Get to you

I wish I knew how to push your buttons,
the good kind
appeal to your animal nature
lure you in with carnal suggestion.

In my dreams the days are spent doing life,
but when the sun goes down-
The nights are spent in tactile exploration.
Scorching and unbridled and intoxicating.

I want to hear you tell me exactly what you want and how
I want to feel you take it like you knew it was already yours in the first place.
I want see you lose yourself again and again

Baby, won't you let me get to you?

I am woman

I am woman

I have two shoulders, both soft and strong. That you may rest you head upon and will absorb the things that weigh you down.
I have two hands, tender and gentle. They can mend your wounds, those that can be seen and those that lay within.
I have a body with curves, supple and sweet, to wrap yourself around and keep you warm at night.
I have these lips, full and learned, with the magic of a mother they can kiss away the world, they can be your morphine.

I am woman.

I need someone, someone to hold me tight and keep me safe, a champion of sorts, to be a protector
I need a man, who has priorities that I do not, the other side of my balance, to keep me rounded and keep me in check.
I need a partner, to hold my hand and
lighten the load, to help clear the path and take on life with.
I need a friend, with an ear to listen and a mind to match wits with, with whom to share laughter and sometimes tears.

I am Woman

I am many things both beautiful and terrible. I have strength with weaknesses to match and gaps to be filled. I need to be cared for more than I care to admit and I long to find my other, my imperfect fit.

the truth is

That first night

two lonely souls
alone on a holiday night
wasting the hours together
they created a dance
with looks, with words, with touches that spoke volumes
and evening became night, and night became dawn
he invited her to stay
she didn't really want to go
and so they kept each other warm
sleep found him quickly
she lay awake for hours
when she moved, in sleep, he followed
in the dark, the moon lit up the snow
in his bed she watched the world outside
in that moment nothing would have been as sweet
finally rest would find her
his body against hers was bliss
his breath in her ear, a gentle lullaby
never had anything felt so divine
when day broke and the house began to stir
they rose to join the world
he was beautiful in the morning
she was quiet with a sleepy shyness
and as she went to go about her life
he taunted her flirtatiously
and it killed her to leave

absence killed the spell
it would never be the same
but she would always remember
the magic of that first night
where kindred spirits met

Ms Eloquent

How do you express the things you are far to mortified to say out loud... or frequently in my case text. Its so hard to turn off the filter and just be candid. There is an arbitrary fear that a single series of words will destroy an already fragile thing... a relationship, an ego, a well meaning delusion... arbitrary because if these words, the truth, can destroy these things, then they probably were already there to begin with. But back to the question... how?

I wish I could explain how much a drunken night of silly banter kills me and thrills me all at the same time. It is a double edged sword- in the one hand I love the time Im given, but in the other all I can seem to think is how long will this stint last??? A day, a week... an intermittent month where you come and go as you please?

At what point does it stop being eloquent and turn in to mindless rambling and selfish ranting and how do I clear that line?

I want more of your world. I like who you are and I am selfish. I want the nitty gritty, boring, crazy, quiet that you think makes up the real you. I don't like you for the wired drunken weirdo you let me see. I love the inebriated neurotic part that comes out when the liquor destroys your walls for a moment in time... Im glad you feel comfortable enough to share that part of yourself with me, and that you trust that I won't hate you for it. But I wish you understood that I want the rest of it too. I am boring and quiet and pretty much want to hide from the rest of the world... I just want someone with whom to do it with.

I wish I knew how to eloquate that in a way I felt safe sharing with you...
maybe one day...

Looking for my outlaw

Speak to dream...

Ask me what I want in life and I'll tell you: I want to be happy and help others. I want to spend my days in the company of the people I love and make my life on improving the quality of life for those who have no other options. I desire to take care of those no one else cares to care for.

But my dream... my fantasies...

I long to be married... I'm in no hurry, I see taking a vow as sacred,  I will not enter in lightly, and I dont have time to waste on the wrong guy. I want a partner to share life with, responsability and joy. Someone who can ballence me, with the things I lack.
I want a home, where is of no major concern to me. I could live in the city, I could be happy in the middle of nowhere. What is important to me is that I can decorate inside and out to suit me and my family with DIY crafts and projects. Things hand built with love and care and thoughtfulness with, for, and by the ones I love. I'd love a place to grow food and flowers to nourish the body and soul. Perhaps a dog to warm my feet and a cat to warm my lap.

For many years now, I've stood by the notion that I'm content with just my daughter, but as time goes on, some times I think of what it would be like to build a family further with the right partner. I'm happy with my one, but I could stand to add another or two...

I dont want a lot, and frankly, I could do with someone who's got it better plot out. But, I have energy to spare and am eager to please...

A letter to a ridiculous man

I was once asked by a man that I admire: "Why do you come back? There must be something better out there... and I am horrible to you. Why do you come back?"

Im not a dumb woman. I know in my brain all the things one should know about self respect and only accepting the best for yourself. I've read, "He's just not that into you." Its a great read, very empowering and motivational even. I know all of that wisdom crap.

So why continue to care about someone who is by definition unhealthy for you?
It's really quite simple. You can not help whom you love. Im not talking about love like roses and stars and cherubs floating around. Not that mushy gushy stuff. I mean genuine feel them in your bones, never quite forget them even after days, weeks, months, years... The kind of love you have for family and old childhood friends, your first kiss, or the one you lost your virginity to... That stuff. The unconditional stuff.

This guy... 3 years I've known him... I can't remember everything we talked about that first week, but I can still remember not caring about the sleep I missed because of it. I remember being in awe of his artistic side and wishing I could siphon just a smidge of it to incorporate in to my own work. I remember listening to him strum his guitar and wondering if Id ever get the nerve to sing along with him. It was beautiful to watch. Oh! And he is handsome. I love to look at pictures of him, I wish I had more. His bottom lip... it calls to me. I just want to bite it. And his eyes, I love how they seem to penetrate deep within and read everything. They implore me more than anything to want to tell all my secrets. Its like being emotionally naked, and even better, being comfortable with it. Tall! He's tall AND strong and its enough to make the woman in me weak in the knees and light headed... its bad... And there is facial hair... sends my inner goddess into a torrent... and... and... and... But all of that... all of those things that are on the outside, those are fleeting. Superficial attributes will fade. But after that... there is still this man, who takes care of others in one form or another, who values family unconditionally, who hungers to be seen, appreciated, and loved, who has lived life and been hurt and moved forward. He is brilliant and challenging and beautiful. He inspires me to be more, to grow, to better myself. How can I not appreciate that?

I appreciate and love him, as a person who is worthy of my attention. And ultimately thats where it ends.

I am not the type of girl who pines and twiddles her thumbs as spinster. I'm out there, available and open to meeting new gentlmen who dain to seek my attention. But I do know what I like, and have an idea of what I want in a person and character speaks quite loudly to me. I still have time and when the right peson comes along... or perhaps pulls their head out of their ass, I'll be ready to see where things go... but I'm in no rush.

That is why I come back... I'm not waiting... I just havent found another who meets or exceeds the standards I have... and he is on my heart.